Some fun stuff from theonion.com

War-Torn Middle East Seeks Solace In Religion

The Onion

War-Torn Middle East Seeks Solace In Religion

JERUSALEM—Millions of Middle Easterners are turning to one thing to make sense of the seemingly endless violence between Israelis and Arabs: religion.

U.S. Dedicates  Billion To Undermining Gates Foundation Efforts

The Onion

U.S. Dedicates $64 Billion To Undermining Gates Foundation Efforts

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Tankers carrying millions of vials of the AIDS virus departed for Africa today as part of an effort to stop the charitable organization’s onslaught of relief.

The Onion

Ken Griffey Jr. Diagnosed With Hamstring Cancer

CINCINNATI—Just days after the Reds centerfielder learned that his father Ken Sr. has prostate cancer and his mother Birdie would be…

Randy Johnson Asks Chien-Ming Wang For Some Pitching Advice For A Pitcher Friend Of His

The Onion

Randy Johnson Asks Chien-Ming Wang For Some Pitching Advice For A Pitcher Friend Of His

NEW YORK—Yankees pitcher Randy Johnson asked his teammate and fellow pitcher Chien-Ming Wang Tuesday for some pitching advice that was…

 Payment To Sponsored Child Withheld To Teach Child A Lesson

The Onion

$18 Payment To Sponsored Child Withheld To Teach Child A Lesson

FAIRFAX, VA&mdashSave-A-Child father Gene Anderson says Mtumbe needs to learn to save for his future and not spend money on every childish little whim.

The Onion

Outgoing Commissioner Tagliabue Expected To Pardon Dennis Miller Before Leaving Office

NEW YORK—Although Paul Tagliabue will not address speculation concerning possible forgiveness of former color commentator Dennis Miller’s…

The Onion

Experts: ‘Derek Jeter Probably Didn’t Need To Jump To Throw That Guy Out’

BRISTOL, CT—Baseball experts agreed Sunday that Derek Jeter, who fielded a routine ground ball during a regular-season game in which the…

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